Friends: The Movie
by 8srfan
Summary: So the gang are reuniting after a long time to come together for Ross and Rachel's wedding. However, there are many mixed emotions about coming to this wedding. This is the "Friends Movie" I've decided to work on. Tell me what you think...
1. Chapter 1

**Friends: The Movie  
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Written by Christian Chedrawi

_This is something that just came to my head this morning._

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><p><em>Synopsis: The gang are getting reunited after a long time to come together for Ross and Rachel's long-awaited wedding. But everyone has mixed emotions about coming to this wedding. Hope you like this chapter, it's basically just a small preview. Tell me what you think. Thank you for reading in advance :)<em>

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><p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's house in the suburbs; Monica is all dressed up in a long black dress and she's putting her earrings on in the living-room as Chandler rushes in a suit, looking awfully pale and sweating. He immediately shuts the door behind him and gasps for air.]<p>

**Monica:** Neighbor dog again?

**Chandler:** It is _huge_.

**Monica:** I don't know, I've always thought their puppy's kinda cute.

**Chandler:** I'm gonna change my tie before we go over to this thing, because I'm pretty sure _Ross_'s wearing the same tie and I don't want it to be, like, "OK, best man and groom wearing the same tie." (Monica just stares at him, utterly confused.) I just don't want to wear this tie, alright? (starts for the bedroom)

**Monica:** No, Chandler, look we don't have time. We have to get their early.

**Chandler:** Why?

**Monica:** Because! It's my brother and best friend's wedding rehearsal and you're the best man and I'm the freakin' maid-of-honor.

**Chandler:** Oh my god, would you just let that go already?

**Monica:** No, I'm fine! I am. I mean, I understand why Rachel would pick _Phoebe_ to be her wedding-planner. You know, I mean, _clearly_ Rachel has no taste in how to organize weddings. You know how hard it is to plan a wedding?

**Chandler:** You know how hard it is to pretend to **care**?

**Monica:** (shrugs) Ugh, you don't get it.

**Chandler:** No, c'mon, hey, tell me. Help me…get it. (approaches her and grabs her hand and kisses them gently)

**Monica:** It's just… I am a _perfect_ wedding planner. I planned Phoebe and Mike's wedding in _one_ day after the whole snowstorm happened.

**Chandler:** Ok, but you know, people would usually be mad if they _weren't_ maid-of-honor. Maid-of-honor trumps wedding-planner, sweetie.

**Monica:** Well, if Phoebe does a crappy job tonight—which she probably will—at the end of the night, the headline's gonna read "Maid-of-honor **kills** wedding-planner."

**Chandler:** The headline?

**Monica:** (gasps) You don't think she called in the press? Oh my god, this wedding is going to be a disaster. (opens the door to leave)

**Chandler:** You know, uh, before we leave… (starts to untie his tie) I'm feeling a little insecure about this tie… And this belt… Maybe, uh, you could uh…help me change?

**Monica:** Honey, we're not newlyweds anymore; we're not having sex. Meet me at the car in less than two minutes. (leaves and shuts the door behind her)

**Chandler:** "Best-man fails again."

[Scene: Phoebe and Mike's place; Phoebe is putting her on make-up while standing at the kitchen bar with a mirror in hand while Mike is in the bedroom.]

**Phoebe:** Mike, are you ready yet? We can't be late. (No response) Mike! (Again no response) Mike, are you listening to me? (Again no response) **MICHAEL!**

**Mike:** (quickly, afraid, voice-over) I'm ready, I'm ready! Be out in a second!

**Phoebe:** (smiling) Don't you just love it when I bring out my soft side?

(Mike comes out and he's only wearing short shorts)

**Phoebe:** Sweetie, not that I don't **love** your outfit but they might be a little frowned upon.

**Mike:** Come _on_, Pheebs, we have plenty of time to get to the rehearsal dinner. But we don't always have time to make tiny little creatures.

**Phoebe:** Ugh, don't you ever get enough?

**Mike:** Of _you_? Never.

**Phoebe:** Just go find someone else, Mike!

**Mike:** F-for real?

(Pause)

**Phoebe:** Look, I'm sorry that I'm not always in the mood for getting me pregnant but I'm just not used to this, y'know?

**Mike:** Not used to what? Sleeping with your husband?

**Phoebe:** Having a baby that's not my brother's!

**Mike:** Aww, honey… (wraps his arms around her waist) Are you afraid to have a baby because you fear we're not gonna keep it? Let me tell you something. The next time you get pregnant, that little Hannigan is gonna be ours forever.

**Phoebe:** Really?

**Mike:** Really.

**Phoebe:** Like, I can actually _keep_ the babies this time?

**Mike:** (nods) You can actually _keep_ the babies this time.

**Phoebe:** Wow, I guess I never thought this through…(suddenly changes the tone of her voice) Of _course_ I know I can **keep** the baby…what do you think, I'm 12? Go get your suit on, you're not gettin' any tonight and, for as long as I can see, you're not gettin' any for the next _week_! (rushes out the door with her purse)

(Mike suddenly smiles)

**Phoebe:** (returns) And no make-up sex either!

**Mike:** (frowns) Aww come _**on**_!

[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is all dressed up and getting ready for the rehearsal dinner as Rachel enters, looking awfully worried.]

**Ross:** Ok, so we're all set to go. Monica and Chandler are on their way, I just talked to Phoebe, and she and Mike are taking a cab. They should be there soon. I'm still trying to get in touch with Joey, and why do you look weird?

**Rachel:** (weirdly) What? No, me, no, I don't—I, I don't look weii—what're you talkin'—no, I'm fine, it's all…yeah.

**Ross:** Oh, no. (sighs in distress)

**Rachel:** What, Ross, what is it?

**Ross:** Are you realizing you're a lesbian?

**Rachel:** _What_?

**Ross:** You know…like, with me and Carol. And she realized she likes women, but it was too late 'cause we were already—(realizes Rachel keeps staring at him) Never mind.

**Rachel:** No, it's just that I just got off the phone with our baby-sitter and that little brainless idiot fell in her bathtub and got admitted last night.

**Ross:** So she can't come?

**Rachel:** She can't come.

**Ross:** But who's gonna stay here with Emma? We have our wedding rehearsal in less than 20 minutes. Let me call her again; I'm sure she'll squeeze her schedule in. She never says no to me.

**Rachel:** (shrugs) Ross, that's 'cause you give her straight As on every single science test at NYU.

**Ross:** Hey, she deserved every single one of those As!

**Rachel:** She's a blistering idiot! How could she get sixteen As in a row?

**Ross:** Just let me call her, alright? Give me the phone.

**Rachel:** No, Ross, she's not gonna come. She fell in the tub. You wouldn't come if _you_ fell in the tub, now would you?

**Ross:** As a matter of fact, I would try.

**Rachel:** Ross, she broke twenty _**bones**_! You didn't go to work for a _week_ when Emma closed the door on your thumb.

**Ross (furious):** Hey, those things really _hurt_! (runs and taps on the front door really hard) Ow! (licks his finger) See?

**Rachel:** Ok, would you just focus for-a-minute? We need to figure out where to keep Emma. We can't take her with us to dinner, obviously.

**Ross:** Ok, what're you suggesting?

**Rachel:** I was thinking, maybe it'd be okay if we let Gunther look after her for the night.

**Ross:** _Gunther_? **Really**?

**Rachel:** Yeah, why not? He's a really nice guy; besides, he's been killing himself for the chance to baby-sit Emma.

**Ross:** Yeah, 'cause he wants to end up telling her that he's her real dad!

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><p><strong><em>Now that you've read, review! Thanks for reading. Hope it was entertaining. Tell me what you think.<em>**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

[Scene: LAX. Joey is looking at the screen in the airport to figure out his flight schedule while carrying around a small suitcase and a bagel in his hand.]

(The airport is over-crowded with angry people shouting things at the screen since their flights are getting delayed and such)

**Joey:** Move over, move over. I have a wedding to get to. And I'm the best man! (looks at the screen) _Delayed_? Damn-it! (looks around) Hey, where'd my suitcase go? (then looks at his bagel) Ooh, the best part. (smiles and has another bite)

(An attractive woman bumps into him.)

**Woman:** Oh, sorry.

**Joey:** No worries.

(She smiles at him. He smiles back then a few crumbs fall onto his shirt from the bagel)

**Woman:** Oops, you dropped some… (points at his shirt)

**Joey:** Oh, look at that. (chuckles) Sorry about that. (wipes the food off his shirt and unbuttons a few buttons) Better?

**Woman:** (a little freaked out) Sure. (smiles awkwardly and turns around)

**Joey:** (pokes her) Hey, you wanna…see the rest of these buttons come off? (winks at her)

**Woman:** You're a **pig**.

(She hits the bagel, it hits Joey's face then falls onto the floor and she walks away)

**Joey:** Heeey! (Pause) Where the hell is my suitcase?

[Scene: Restaurant. Monica is standing at the reception with a headset in her ear and Chandler stands awkwardly behind her as guests come in and smile at Monica.]

**Monica:** Hi, hello, welcome. Here's your card. (hands some guests a card)

**Chandler:** A card? Really, Monica?

**Monica:** Yeah, it's so that people know where they're gonna sit. (whispers) You wanna know where I sat Phoebe?

**Chandler:** No, please don't tell me, I don't wanna know, aaahhh! (covers his ears)

**Monica:** Relaaax! I wouldn't actually give her a bad seat. Trust me, it's a good spot. (Pause) If you like the smell of nauseating crap goin' into your nose a hundred miles an hour. (smiling to an elderly couple as they walk in) Hi! Welcome!

(Ross, Rachel and Emma are entering in a rush.)

**Rachel:** Heyyy.

**Ross:** Hi, you guys.

**Rachel:** Oh no, are we late? Are people starting to come in?

**Monica:** No, hey, it's fine. Don't worry; I got it all covered. I mean, I _am_ the maid-of-honor after all. I mean, that's-that's pretty much **all** that I am in this wedding. Just the _maid_-of-honor.

**Rachel:** Okay, great. Did Phoebe and Mike get here yet?

**Chandler:** No, they're just waiting for Joey at the airport. We didn't know you were gonna bring Emma. We would've brought our kids too.

**Rachel:** (mad) No, we didn't _bring_ Emma, ok? We're **stuck** with Emma.

(Ross just stares at her.)

**Ross:** (covering Emma's ears) She can hear you!

**Monica:** Okay, you guys, _great_ story, very amusing, keep walkin'. People are comin' in. Here's your **freakin'** card. (hands Rachel a card)

**Rachel:** What the hell's _this_?

**Chandler:** It's where your ass gets to meet adjoining asses.

**Rachel:** (smiling at Chandler) Chandler, this is my wedding rehearsal. Do you _mind_ not making inappropriate jokes while I sulk in this madness? (shakes the card she's holding)

**Monica:** Well it seemed as though you _wedding_ planner is late so **someone** had to fill in and fix some of this crazy stuff that she forgot to take care off.

**Phoebe:** (off-screen) Behold!

(Monica turns around and Phoebe appears from behind a wall with a very serious face)

**Phoebe:** Has someone been speaking of the wedding-planner?

**Monica:** Where the _hell_ have you been? People have been coming in for, like, 20 minutes. I had to create a system for the seating chart in a millisecond. I'm _this_ close to beating my old record!

**Phoebe:** Monica, I got this. I have everything under control.

**Monica:** Oh, really? Where's your headset? Or oh, are you just gonna tell me you don't need a stupid headset?

**Phoebe:** Not if you have a walkie-talkie. (takes out a walkie-talkie from her purse)

**Chandler:** Oh, no she _didn't_.

(Monica just stares at him.)

**Monica:** Oh, _please_! Who you gonna talk to, on this thing? Does anyone else on your staff even _have_ one of these?

**Phoebe:** (speaks into the walkie-talkie) Commander to Team Phoebe, what's the 401?

(No response)

**Phoebe:** Commander to Team Phoebe, please respond. (No response) (sternly) Commander to Team Phoebe… (is confused what to say next) Over. (yells into the walkie-talkie) Mike, you promised!

(Ross and Rachel just shake their heads.)

**Rachel:** Oh, god.

(Mike appears from inside the restaurant, with a walkie-talkie in his hands, as he walks slowly towards the group)

**Mike:** (serious tone into the walkie-talkie) Team Phoebe to Commander… Wanna do it in the restrooms?

**Monica:** Really, Pheebs? _This_ is your staff?

**Rachel:** Ok, you guys, really, as entertaining as _this_ is… (points at Monica and Phoebe)… I think we should start going in there. I mean, I have a speech and everything.

**Ross:** Yeah, I think Chandler should go first, then Monica and then us two. (points at himself and Rachel)

**Chandler:** I'm sorry, Chandler should go where?

**Ross:** You know, the speech. You and Monica and then we guys follow. Ok, see you in there.

(Ross, Rachel and Emma walk in.)

**Chandler:** Uhh, Chief Officer to Team Monica, we need a speech ASAP.

**Monica:** You didn't write a speech?

**Chandler:** What—hey! I've been his best man _before_, I figured everyone _knows_ what I'm gonna say. "Here's to the bride and groom, blah-blah-bluurrghh."

**Phoebe:** Ok, that attitude cannot be at the entrance. Get out.

**Chandler:** I'm the best-man, you're really kicking me out?

**Phoebe:** Ok, then get in.

**Chandler:** Yes, Commander. (rushes into the restaurant)

(Monica and Phoebe trade glances)

**Monica:** So…

**Phoebe:** So…

**Monica:** It's just the two of us now.

**Phoebe:** And so there were two.

(Pause)

**Monica:** I just said that.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, but I'm the wedding-planner so I get to repeat it as long as I want to. See, here it comes again. And so there were two.

**Mike:** Yeah, I'm gonna…go in there too…despite how amusing this is. (rushes into the restaurant)

**Monica:** May the best wedding-planner win.

**Phoebe:** May the best blonde wedding-planner win.

**Monica:** C'mon, Phoebe, can't we just settle this in peace?

**Phoebe:** (has her index finger in the air) Ah, ah, please. It's "Commander", not Phoebe today.

(Joey approaches with a nice, clean suit in his hands)

**Joey:** Hey!

**Phoebe:** Joey!

**Monica:** You made it!

(They both hug him.)

**Phoebe:** Ha-ha, I hugged him first.

**Monica:** Well yeah? I hugged him tighter.

**Phoebe:** I hugged him _longer_.

**Monica:** (screams out) I touched his ass!

(Long silence; a bunch of people from inside look at them)

**Joey:** (smiles) Gosh, it's so good to be back. (Pause) Look, is there a dry-cleaning someplace close? I ruined my suit with some ink. (Phoebe and Monica stare him down.) Fine, it was tomato sauce.

**Monica:** Joey!

**Joey:** I really need to clean this up quick before I get in there. I mean, the best man.

**Monica:** _You're_ the best man?

**Joey:** Yeah! (opens his eyes widely) **Why?**

**Monica:** Nothing, no, no reason.

(Chandler comes up)

**Chandler:** Hey! Buddy, you made it!

**Joey:** Dude!

(They hug.)

**Monica:** (to Phoebe) My husband hugged him, and yours didn't.

**Phoebe:** Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. (turns around and whispers into the walkie-talkie) Commander to Team Phoebe, get your _ass_ over here.

**Chandler:** Come, Joey, you have to help me with my speech. I totally forgot the best man has to give out a speech.

**Joey:** Best man? What, you mean _me_, right?

**Chandler:** No, I mean me. Because _I'm_ the best man.

**Joey:** (chuckles) Haha, yeah, that's funny. (suddenly turning sternly) Except _I'm_ the best man, you **ass**.

(Ross is seen coming towards the group from behind.)

**Chandler:** Ross promised us **both** to be the best-man?

(Ross, hearing this, immediately puts his head down, turns around and rushes away)

(A man and a woman are entering the restaurant)

**Monica:** Hi! Welcome! Here's your seating-chart. (hands them a card)

**Phoebe:** Which you can flush down the toilet whenever you want, no pressure.

(Monica stares at Phoebe.)

**Monica:** Oh, it's **on**.

**Mike (voice-over, from Phoebe's walkie-talkie):** Team Phoebe to Commander, we have a little situation here. A 7 year-old threw up all over the bathroom floor.

**Phoebe (still looking at Monica with a serious tone):** Mike, I'm working. I don't have time for this.

_**So? Please tell me what you think. Honestly, I love criticism. I need to know how to improve. I have the plot/story in my head. I guess I need to know how to make it a bit funnier, right? Tell me what you think. I wrote this chapter really quickly so I had no time to go over it again… Thanks for reading!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

[Scene: Mike and Phoebe's place. Mike, Joey and Chandler are entering, with Joey's suit in Joey's hands.]

**Joey:** I still can't believe Ross told us both we could be the best-man. I tell ya, next time I see him, I'm gonna thump him and oh I'm gonna thump him **hard**.

**Chandler:** Okay, Joe, we get it.

**Mike:** I'm gonna get you one of my suits. (goes into the bathroom)

(Pause—Joey looks at Chandler)

**Chandler:** (sighs) Ok, fine. Go pee.

(Joey runs into the bathroom)

**Chandler:** You know, Mike, I don't know why we never hang out here. It's actually kinda nice.

**Mike:** (returns with a suit in his hands) Well, Phoebe and I are very messy and free-spirited.

**Chandler:** Hey, Monica and I are free-spirited.

**Mike:** Oh, yeah? Last time Pheebs and I wore clothes to breakfast was that one time my parents were sleeping over.

(Pause)

**Chandler:** Monica and I are so free-spirited we wouldn't wear clothes even then.

**Mike:** Please, Chandler. I think it's enough that the wives are bickering. We don't need to start one of our own feuds as well.

**Chandler:** Monica and I are so free-spirited we wouldn't even **say** the word "feuds". (Mike just stares at him, confused.) Joey, you still in there?!

**Joey:** (voice-over, from the bathroom) Just a _second_! Last few drops are always tricky! (Pause) Aw, damn-it! Now I need new _shoes_ too!

**Mike:** I'll get it. (goes into the bedroom again)

(Joey walks out of the bathroom, still buckling his belt and zipping up his pants)

**Joey:** (stares at Chandler with a very serious face) You.

**Chandler:** (groans) Ugh, fine, Joe, you can be the best man. I don't care.

**Joey:** (still serious face and voice) Ah, so you forfeit.

**Chandler:** A couple o' months in L.A. and _still_ no personal growth, huh?

**Joey:** Hey, Chandler, come I wanna show you what I found in here. (points to the bathroom)

**Chandler:** What, I don't wanna go in there!

**Joey:** No, just come.

(Chandler follows Joey into the bathroom)

**Joey:** Now, is this what I think it is?

(He holds up birth-control pills)

**Chandler:** Birth-control? Wow.

**Joey:** You think Phoebe's taking these?

**Chandler:** Look, Joe, we don't tell anyone about what we saw in here, alright?

**Joey:** (nods) Right.

**Chandler:** Not even…you know… (tilts his head to point at the door)

**Joey:** You don't think Mike knows?!

**Chandler:** Shhh! And I don't know! But this is none of our business and we don't say a word about it to anyone.

**Joey:** Gotcha.

**Mike:** (voice-over) You guys _in_ there?

**Chandler:** (to Joey) Quick, hide the prescription box!

**Joey:** Where?!

**Chandler:** I don't know, anywhere!

(Joey just quickly puts the pills in his pants)

(Mike walks in)

**Joey and Chandler:** (awkwardly smiling) Heeeyyy!

**Mike:** Hey, what're you guys doin' here?

**Chandler:** Oh you know, just hangin' out. (rests his arm on the wall so casually)

**Mike:** O—kay. Well, Joey, I found some shoes that could fit you. They're my nephew's. He's 7, so I'm sure your freakishly tiny feet could fit in them.

**Joey:** Hey! In L.A., I grew a few sizes!

**Mike:** (looking down at Joey's "crotch") Yeah, I can see that. (walks out of the bathroom)

(Joey and Chandler look at each other scared.)

**Joey:** He was looking at my…?!

**Chandler:** Keep walkin', Joe. (pushes him outside)

…

[Scene: Rehearsal Dinner. Ross is getting a drink from the bar where he finds Dr. Green, Rachel's dad, sitting.]

**Ross:** Dr. Green!

**Dr. Green:** Dr. Geller. What're _you_ doin' here tonight?

**Ross (chuckles):** Ha-ha, yeah, yeah, that's—that's _funny_, yeah. So, umm, how do you like the food tonight?

**Dr. Green:** It's garbage, just like everything else in this restaurant.

**Ross:** Glad you have an opinion on everything, sir.

**Dr. Green:** So, Ross… four marriages, huh?

**Ross:** Yes, sir.

**Dr. Green:** You thinkin' of treating my daughter same way you've treated your other wives?

**Ross:** No, sir, absolutely not. Rachel and I are in-love and we're getting married for good.

**Dr. Green:** Because if my daughter gets divorced again, from _you_…again, I'm gonna be very, **very** angry. (opens his eyes widely)

**Ross:** (scared) Yess-sir, yes, of course. (in a squeaky high-pitched voice) Cheers! (smiles and has a drink before returning back to the table)

(He sits next to Rachel, still looking a bit freaked-out)

**Rachel:** Ross, you ok? You looked scared.

**Ross:** No, what, what're you talkin' about? I'm fine. (chuckles nervously)

**Rachel:** Ross, I saw your **ass** sweating.

**Ross:** (chuckles) Don't you think this isn't the right time, Rach? People are staring at us. (He smiles nervously at other people from their table)

**Rachel:** It is our rehearsal dinner and, unlike you, I don't get a lot of those so you better not make it suck. (Pause) I saw you talking to my dad. What, did he say something?

**Ross:** Meh, just, you know, a few words of wisdom.

**Rachel:** Oh, good.

**Ross:** Might've dropped some threatens here and there, but who's pointing fingers here, really?

**Rachel:** Oh god, Ross, I am so sorry about my father. I can't believe he would do that. On my own rehearsal dinner. I'll go talk to him.

**Ross:** No, hey, wait, sit down! Come on, you. It's fine. I mean, it's not like we'll have to deal with him all the time once we're married.

**Rachel:** Yeah, I guess.

**Ross:** Yeah, so forget about him. We are gonna do _great_. (kisses her on the forehead)

**The crowd:** Aww.

(Ross and Rachel smile)

**Rachel:** You know, he _is_ gonna be visiting us a lot though.

**Ross:** I really doubt it, honey.

**Rachel:** Are you kidding? He's my father.

**Ross:** Well, yeah, but I don't know if he's gonna be flying out to the suburbs every now and then. (chuckles)

**Rachel:** (confused) The suburbs? Why would he fly to the suburbs?

**Ross:** Well, you know, once we…move there. (has a sip of his drink)

**Rachel:** Oh I'm sorry, we're moving to the _suburbs_ now?

**Ross:** (chuckles) Well, Rach, you didn't really expect us to start our life in the city, did you?

**Rachel:** Oh I'm sorry, you just seemed to skip over the part where you talked to me about this. Are we doing anything else? Umm, are we having some more kids? Are we jumping off the Empire State building anytime soon?

**Ross:** As a matter of fact, I would love to have more kids with you.

**Rachel:** (dumps her face in her hand) Oh my god, Ross!

**Ross:** Look, can we not discuss this _now_? (smiles nervously at the people)

**Rachel:** Ross, I am _not_ moving out of New York.

(Ross takes a deep breath.)

**Ross:** I found a house, Rach. You'll love it.

**Rachel:** I don't _care_, Ross.

**Ross:** Rach, I-I'm sorry but…I already put an offer.

(Rachel just stares at him, mad and annoyed.)

(Everyone at the restaurant starts clinging their glasses waiting for a speech from Ross)

**Ross:** (stands up) Hello, hi, hi… (smiles)

(Camera zooms in on Rachel's freaked-out face)

…

**To be continued…**

_**Sorry I took so long! I started college and stuff. But now that I have some more storylines out there, I will update soon. Just please give me your opinions on this. Thank you for reading.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_**Have to thank everyone who has been reading and reviewing! You make me smile xD lol.. hope you'll enjoy this chapter… Please give me more feedback. Thank you a million!**_

[Scene: Ross's (and Rachel's) apartment. Ross and Rachel are entering, having just left their rehearsal dinner. Rachel seems pretty pissed off as she is walking in quickly.]

**Rachel:** You totally caught me off guard, Ross! I mean, did you really expect me not to be mad about this?

**Ross:** No, no, I saw this coming, Rach. I knew you were gonna get _so_ mad which is why I decided not to tell you right away so, you know, in a way, I was actually being _very_ considerate about your feelings.

(Rachel keeps staring at him, mad.)

**Rachel:** _Ross_!

**Ross:** Okay, look, can we at least just sit and _talk_ about this? You know, like a normal couple?

**Rachel:** A normal couple? What, first you decide to buy a house and not tell me; now you're insulting me too?

**Ross:** Rach…

**Rachel:** No, look, I didn't go to _Paris_ because I wanted to be with you. I-I left a pretty damn good opportunity slip me buy, not to mention how many cute sexy French guys I missed out on, and you **know** how I feel about guys who say "_Bonjour_". (puts her hand out like she's opening a car door to someone else)

**Ross:** (looking at her stupid) Is that it? Do you want me to say _Bonjour_ to you now? (does the same hand-signal she did, only mocking her)

(Rachel looks at him, mad.)

**Rachel:** Don't do this, Ross. Don't make me look _stupid_ again.

**Ross:** Wha—I'm not making you look stupid. Rach!

**Rachel:** (screaming, moving to the bedroom) Yes, you are! You **always** do that! You _love_ being the smart scientist guy because you get to _teach_ me about all kinds of crap that I DON'T GIVE A CRAP _ABOUT_!

**Ross:** (screaming now too, following her to the bedroom) Well, maybe that's the problem! If you tried to show me that you care about half the stuff _I_ care about, I wouldn't _mind_ telling you about the nice house that I saw and the big pool the size of our apartment but _nooo_, you can't ever possibly give a DAMN ABOUT WHAT I DO!

**Rachel:** (screaming) Oh you did _not_ just—(stops) A pool? Hmm. (rubs her hand across her chin, and then screams again) No, the point _is_… We are getting married. We're starting a life together, and you don't get to decide on this kind of stuff all by yourself!

**Ross:** You don't think I know that? But I-I just… (sighs) I just…_really_ want it to happen this time.

(There's a pause. Ross is now standing and Rachel is sitting at the end of the bed)

**Rachel:** (quieter) You want _what_ to happen?

**Ross:** Y'know, this. Us. I feel like _every_ time we get together, something just doesn't—and we don't—(sighs) I guess I just thought if I found a nice house and put an offer and maybe even bought it without telling you…you know, that—that way, it can't _not_ happen anymore.

**Rachel:** Ross, you can't do stuff like that. (gets up and stands in front of him) It _is_ happening. It's _going_ to happen. You and me, forever… You can't manipulate me not to leave you by buying me a house and forcing me to stay. It doesn't work that way.

**Ross:** (winces) Well, they should tell you that before you make an offer.

(Rachel chuckles, grabs him by the back of his head and kisses him gently on the lips.)

**Rachel:** (still kissing him) So there's really a pool the size of our apartment?

**Ross:** Yeah. But you know, if you're into that kinda stuff. (kisses her)

…

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's house. Monica and Chandler are walking in from the rehearsal dinner too.]

**Chandler:** So, that was…_horrible_.

**Monica:** It actually wasn't half as bad as I thought it was gonna be, you know, considering it was half Team Phoebe's organization.

**Chandler:** You know, it was also half Team Monica.

**Monica:** (smiling) I know. Didn't you love those tiny little comment cards everyone had in their glasses of champagne?

**Chandler:** I gotta say…that was a choker. (smiles)

**Monica:** It was so nice of you to let Joey be the best man. _I_ think it takes a best man to do something that nice to their best friend. (approaches him and starts to take his tie off)

**Chandler:** Oh, yeah?

**Monica:** Uh-huh. You know what else I think? (starts to unbutton his shirt)

**Chandler:** "Best man is gonna score tonight"?

**Monica:** You bet. (starts to take his pants off when she realizes something is in his pants) What is that?

**Chandler:** Oh, umm… (immediately steps back) Umm… Umm…

(Pause)

**Monica:** (staring at him) "Umm…"?

**Chandler:** It's…birth-control pills. (pauses, nervously) F-f-for men.

(Monica stares at him.)

**Monica:** _What_?

**Chandler:** _Right_? I was a little offended too. Why _don't_ they make those?

**Monica:** Get over here.

(She grabs him and takes out the pills)

**Monica:** It says "Phoebe Buffay Hannigan" on the box.

**Chandler:** So you think _she_ might know whose pills these _really _are?

**Monica:** Chandler, is Phoebe using these?

**Chandler:** (sighs and goes to sit on the bed) Yes, yes. Joey and I found them in Phoebe and Mike's apartment, but I don't think Mike knows because he keeps going _on_ and _on_ about how the two of them _do_ it everywhere and how more free-spirited they are than we are, so I just held on to 'em until… (puts on a serious face) Until we decide how to get rid of the evidence.

**Monica:** Wow, this is crazy. I mean, why would she even be using these? I thought they were tryin' to _have_ kids. God, this is big.

**Chandler:** No, no, it's not. Let's not make a big deal about this, okay? 'Cause then more people are gonna find out and when more people find out, _everyone_ finds out and when everyone finds out… I'll look like a jackass.

**Monica:** Aw, honey, I won't let them call you a jackass. Mainly 'cause it's a word made up of my dad's name combined to a body part I don't like to think he _has_.

**Chandler:** Give me these. (takes the pills) We are not talking about this ever again. (puts the pills away) (serious tone) Do you understand? We are not telling anyone, and we are not discussing this issue again. (quickly) Now let's get naked and have hot, shower sex.

**Monica:** (grunts) No, I-I dunno, Chandler. I'm not really in the mood. I just keep thinking about—(Chandler looks at her, warning her) About…how Mike thinks we're not free-spirited.

**Chandler:** Oh, yeah. He even said Team Phoebe cleans the bathroom towels _three_ times just to make sure they're clean-clean-clean.

(Monica gasps)

**Chandler:** I say, we show Team Phoebe just how clean Team Monica can be by getting in the shower right now, whaddaya say, partner?

(Monica laughs)

**Monica:** Nice one. Ahh, if only I was still seventeen. (gives him a little rub on the head and walks out of the bathroom, leaving Chandler dumbfounded)

…

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is at the couch reading a bridal magazine as Joey walks in and heads straight to the counter.]

**Joey:** Hey, Pheebs.

**Phoebe:** (puts her hand up in the air) Shush, Joey I'm working.

**Joey:** (turns to face Gunther) Hey, Gunther, can I have a latte and a scone?

**Gunther:** Sure.

**Joey:** (smiling) _Hey_, I haven't seen you in a while! Didn't you miss me? You want some Joey-love? (gives him a hug from across the counter)

**Gunther:** To be honest, Joey, we did kinda miss you here. Toilet seats are always down now that you don't live here anymore, and most of the women who come to have coffee here…are _actually_ coming back.

**Joey:** Hmm. Hot women?

**Phoebe:** Hey, Joey, can you come help me pick out what flowers to use at the reception tomorrow?

(Joey sits next to her.)

**Joey:** You still haven't picked that out yet? Pheebs, the wedding is in 24 hours.

**Phoebe:** Aha, see, at least I know that!

**Joey:** So, Pheebs, I actually wanna…kinda talk to you about something.

**Phoebe:** Shoot.

**Joey:** It's kinda…_weird_ and personal.

**Phoebe:** Joey! Did you have sex with one of my friends again, 'cause I'm sorry, but my circle of friends is gettin' kinda smaller by the second.

**Joey:** No, no, no, it's not—_Well_…

(Phoebe looks at him.)

**Joey:** Look, uh, I kinda…_saw_ something last night when we went to your place to get me a suit.

**Phoebe:** What, do you mean, what'd you see?

**Joey:** Those pills you're on.

**Phoebe:** _You_ took those?

**Joey:** No, no! Mike walked in so I had to hide them in my pants before I handed 'em over to Chandler!

**Phoebe:** (horrified) You put them in your _pants_?!

**Joey:** Don't worry, they weren't as uncomfortable as you think.

**Phoebe:** Joey…wha—what were you doing going through my stuff?

**Joey:** Look, I'm sorry, alright? But we have to talk about this. I mean, does Mike even know?

**Phoebe:** No, but I mean, y'know, I'm gettin' there.

**Joey:** Why don't you want kids?

**Phoebe:** It's not that I don't **want** kids. It's just that…I dunno, I've never been so responsible in my life before, y'know? I've never held a job long enough to be able to hold a _child_ in my woman-parts for nine months! (Pause) And that's why I had to _beg_ Rachel to let me be the wedding-planner, you know, so that I could try to actually do something responsible for once in my life without screwing it all up like Team Phoebe usually does.

**Joey:** Ugh, _Phoebe_…

**Phoebe:** (puts her head in her hands) Oh God, now I feel awful.

**Joey:** No, no, hey, the reason I came here is because I wanted to talk to you about this. I want you to know that I support whatever you decide to do.

**Phoebe:** Really?

**Joey:** Of course. But you _have_ to tell Mike about this first. If you're feeling at all uncomfortable or not ready to have a child, he has the right to know.

**Phoebe:** Yeah, I guess. It's just gonna be so hard on him, you know? All of us musicians have a hard time taking bad news.

**Gunther:** (approaches the couch) Uh, Phoebe? I'm sorry, but there wasn't any more chamomile tea so we just made you a normal cup of tea.

**Phoebe:** (stands up, flips out on him) ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!

**Gunther:** (scared, nervously) I'll-I'll go across the street get you some. (rushes out)

**Phoebe:** (sits back calmly, smiles at Joey) See?

**Joey:** (a little freaked out) _Yeeaah_.

…

_**So this was chapter four. More interesting storylines coming up soon, I promise. Just PLEASE tell me what you thought. I'll try to update very soon! Thanks for reading!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

[Scene: Ross (and Rachel's) apartment. The place looks really empty and organized. No one is present until Monica walks in looking fascinating in a sea-green colored dress.]

**Monica:** Hello? Rach? You in here?

**Rachel (voice-over):** Yeah, I'll be out in a second!

**Monica:** I wanna show you my dress. I look _pretty_ good for **just** a maid-of-honor.

**Rachel (voice-over):** Isn't it that same old weird-colored dress we saw when we went shopping two months ago?

**Monica:** It's not weird-colored. It's sea-green.

**Rachel (comes out of the bedroom in her wedding dress):** Yeah, sweetie, you keep tellin' yourself that. It looks like some 6 year-old vomited on that thing. (Pause) _After_ they saw it.

**Monica:** Oh my god! I'm totally gonna forgive you for insulting me like a total b*tch because you look so freaking hot!

**Rachel:** I know, right!

**Monica:** Ahh, I can't believe you're getting married! (hugs her tightly) And to my brother! This is like the happiest day of my life!

**Rachel:** Aww, Mon, that's so sweet, but I thought the happiest day of your life was your wedding day.

**Monica:** Oh, right. Well, that too.

**Rachel:** And what about when the twins were born?

**Monica:** Would you just shut up and go get married?

(Pause)

**Rachel:** I gotta go get my shoes! (runs back to the bedroom)

**Monica:** So, Rach, how come your mom's not here?

**Rachel (voice-over):** Oh, she'll be here any second now, along with my sisters. And that's when the happiest day of _my_ life begins!

**Monica:** Oh, come _on_. I can't _wait_ to see the look on your mom's face when she has to see you walk down that aisle, with tears slowly scattering down her cheeks and hands trembling nervously as you embark on a journey filled with love and awe—

**Rachel (voice-over):** Ow!

**Monica:** No, I said "awe". As in "awww".

**Rachel (voice-over):** Son of a-!

**Monica:** Rach, you okay?

(Monica walks into the bedroom where she sees Rachel covering her face in her hands.)

**Monica:** Rach, what the hell happened?

**Rachel (speaking from behind her hands):** I was trying to put these stupid shoes on but I fell and hit this stupid nightstand. Ow, this hurts! And oh my god, on my wedding day!

**Monica:** Look, I'm sure it's fine. We'll put something on it, or maybe cover it up with makeup or something.

(Rachel removes her hands and smiles at Monica, revealing a missing tooth)

**Rachel:** Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't be worried. It's gonna be fine.

(Monica gasps)

**Rachel:** What, is it really that bad? (goes to a mirror and sees the gap in her teeth) Oh, my god!

**Monica:** No, hey, you can barely see it!

**Rachel:** What do you mean "you can barely see it"? Mon, it looks like you can kick a field goal in my mouth!

**Monica (covers her mouth with her hands):** I know, I know, I'm so sorry, it looks horrible! I'm so sorry for you!

**Rachel:** What am I gonna do? I can't go to my own wedding like this!

**Monica:** Ok, well, you know what, we will figure things out like we always do. Just give-me…a…_minute_.

**Rachel:** I can give you a tooth if you want 'cause those things just keep _falling_ down today. (sits on the bed) Oh, god, this is horrible. I can't believe this is happening to me.

**(Phoebe enters looking fancy in her dress)**

**Phoebe:** Hey, what's goin' on?

(Monica points at Rachel, who smiles at Phoebe with her gapped teeth)

**Phoebe (screams, covering her mouth):** Holy sweet _mother_ of…! (turns to Monica) I leave you with her for _two_ minutes, and this is what you do to her?

**Monica:** I didn't do _anything_ to her. She just hit her head and knocked her tooth out.

**Phoebe:** (looks closely) Really? Just one? Looks like you can run a hurdle in there.

**Rachel:** What do I do, you guys? I'm getting married in a few hours. I can't go out looking like this.

**Phoebe:** Ooh, _I_ know! Why don't you go naked so _clearly_ no one's gonna be lookin at your teeth anymore and there ya have it, the perfect wedding!

**Rachel (staring at Phoebe blankly):** I am _not_ going to my wedding **naked**.

**Phoebe:** _Orrrr_…

**Rachel (interrupts, turns to Monica):** Okay, Monica? Any ideas from _you_…please?

**Monica:** Look, Rach, it's just a tooth. It doesn't mean anything. Your undying love to Ross should be more than just a—ooh, are you bleeding?

**Rachel:** Oh my god, are you kidding me?

(She grabs a few napkins and covers her mouth with them; she lies back down on the bed with Phoebe and Monica by her head.)

**Rachel (talking with the tissues in her mouth):** This is just _showww_ great.

**Phoebe:** (smiling at Monica) We can kidnap her into doing the naked wedding now.

(Rachel opens her eyes widely and screams something into the tissues; Monica just shakes her head to assure her it'll all be all right.)

[Scene: Hotel room. Ross and Chandler are there, both in their tuxedos and everything as Joey enters with a sandwich.]

**Ross:** Finally. Did you get my tie from the laundry rooms?

(Joey just freezes and stares straight ahead.)

**Ross:** Then did you at least show my parents to their hotel room?

(Joey just keeps staring into thin air.)

**Ross:** Then what the hell took you so long?

(Very slowly, Joey puts the sandwich behind his back.)

**Chandler:** I'll take care of it. (He goes outside and Joey follows him out to the halls)

**Joey:** Uh, Chandler, we have a little problem.

**Chandler:** What, there's not enough tomato sauce in that sandwich?

**Joey (smiles endlessly):** No, actually there is. (Pause) But, uh, no. Rachel's missing a tooth and she's having some kind of a breakdown so we need to distract Ross until she's ready to walk down the aisle.

**Chandler:** Oh, so that's why you didn't get him his tie from the laundry.

**Joey (after a pause):** Right. Yeah.

**Chandler:** Ok, you go in there, figure somethin' out and I'll go get him his tie. I'll try to take as long as I can.

**Joey:** Ok, but what do I tell him?

**Chandler:** I don't know! I'm not an expert on this! Just come up with something, like one of his ex-girlfriends called or something!

**Joey:** Okay, great. Oh and hey, while you're there, there's this _great_ sandwich place right next to—(Chandler just leaves)

[Cut back into the hotel room. Joey enters.]

**Joey:** Hey, buddy!

**Ross:** Hey, Joe. What-what's goin' on?

**Joey:** Oh, nothing. Just…you're getting married today! That's so…you!

**Ross:** Yeah, can you believe it? After all those years, me and Rachel? Who would've figured?

**Joey:** Yeah… You really sure you wanna marry her, man?

(Ross just stares at him, blankly.)

**Ross:** _Yes_.

**Joey:** You _sure_?

**Ross:** Uh, yeah! (chuckles) What's goin' on, Joe? Is…is something wrong?

**Joey:** No, no, just umm… you know… uh…

(Long Pause)

**Ross:** What?

**Joey:** Emily called!

**Ross:** _What_?!

**Joey:** Emily…yeah, she uh…she called. You know, looking for you.

**Ross:** Emily, my ex-_wife_ Emily?

**Joey:** Yeah!

**Ross:** As in, London-Emily?

**Joey:** Look hey, dude, I don't know her **full** name or anything but uh… she _did_ call.

**Ross:** Oh my god. I wonder what she wants.

**Joey:** Give her a call…you know, see what she wants.

**Ross:** Are you asking me to call my ex-wife…two hours before my own wedding?

**Joey:** No, you're right. That's crazy.

**Ross:** Well, I'm all done here. Guess we should head down to the church.

**Joey:** (picks up his phone quickly) Here, I'll call her!

_**Ok, I have no idea how bad this was because I did it really quick and had no time to go over it but I can feel it's pretty bad lol… I don't know if I should keep going anymore but I do have a few more tiny storylines I want to put in so badly! Please tell me your HONEST opinion about this chapter and this entire story so far. Thanks for reading.**_


End file.
